Exams--Or Why I Want To Beat My Head Against My Desk

Indulge me while I sound like your Grandpa for a moment.  When I was in high school, I had to study for my exams.  I am certain there was a certain amount of reviewing, but nothing like what I spent the last ten days doing.  I gave my students a study guide that literally had every single thing they needed to know for the exam.  Now, they should have had everything they needed to know already in their notes, but we then spent a week working on the study guide in class just in case. Then, the last class before the exam, I gave them a practice quiz that had the actual questions on the exam, we graded it, and I gave them the correct answers so they would know what to study.  To ensure that they actually filled out the study guide, I told them that if they brought the completed study guide to the exam, they would receive a 100 point test grade.  I would say 10% showed up without the study guide.  Another 10% showed up without the study guide filled in.  I cannot begin to tell you how many times I heard the words "What study guide?"  or "I didn't bring a pencil."  These are moments that try teachers' souls.

Another teacher came to me with his study guide and his exam and said, "I need to show this to someone who understands--here is my study guide and here is my exam.  How is it possible for people to be failing my exam?"  I looked at the two--basically identical.  If you took any time at all to look at the study guide, you had, in order, the questions on the exam.  It was even more straight-forward than my study guide.  I told him that the answer was simple; the students either took the opportunity to study and do well or they blew it off.   It is, as my friend Andrea would say, a metaphor for life.

So what can we do at this point?  The only option is to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.  Here are some of my favorites from our exams.  We laughed so we wouldn't cry.

Mine was primarily on The Odyssey. The epic starts with Odysseus telling of his time trapped with the beautiful sea goddess, Calypso.  They basically had a torried affair that last years and now he's back peddling, since he has a wife at home.  What's a man to do?  He claims in a very Bill Clinton-like way that he was trapped in her "smooth caves" and "never gave consent in his heart."  The kids loved this.  The boys in particular could relate to woman trouble.  They loved the very dirty and evocative metaphor of the "smooth caves."  I might have sarcastically said "dem caves" at one point.  Never did I dream someone would use that in their essay.  Does this student think that is the actual name of the caves?  No clue.

Odysseus was an epic hero.  He was brave and bold, and the essay I had them write asked that they give examples of that.  These essays are my two favorites.  On the left you can see a discussion of

how Odysseus has no qualms saying "F___ that!" when the circumstances call for it, and on the right, how he has the balls to fight the Cyclops with confidence.  To give my student on the left credit, he didn't actually write out the F word--but I knew what he meant.  So here is my challenge, they clearly get the qualities of an epic hero, they read and understood the story, but their language is completely inappropriate.  Frankly, I'm just glad they studied.  We can have the "you don't write a paper with the same language you talk to your friends" convo when we get back in January.  P.S.  These are my Honors English students.

Here are a couple good ones from my frustrated Social Studies teacher buddy:

Question:  How did the Hebrew people change religion?
Answer:  They were Jews.

That makes me laugh for days.  It is also amusing that this person goes on to say that the Jews were Polytheistic.  Here is another good answer to that question on the right.  Trade.  How would trade change religion exactly?  They traded a bunch of gods for just one?  Please take a moment and look at the answer to #3.  Do you recognize that word?  We didn't and we really spent some time trying to figure it out.  If you have a guess, please let me know.  It might boost that person's grade a bit. 

Remember that episode of "Friends" where Chandler says that he can't find a girlfriend because his  standards are too high?  One of the reasons he gives is her mispronunciation of the word "supposedly."  Do you think this could be that person's relative? 

Question:  Did you spend over a week prepping your students for the exams?
Answer:  Supposibly.

Fantastic Voyage

Real note I sent home with one of my Yearbook students:

 

Dear Derrell’s Mother,

 

Why doesn’t your son know who Coolio is? 

 

Slide, Slide, Slippedy Slide,

Miz Nilknarf

 

I was just so stunned that one of my kids would have no idea who the genius was who brought us “Gangsta’s Paradise,” that I felt it couldn’t possibly be true!  Full disclosure:  I have a great relationship with this kid’s mom.   Yearbook is so much more fun than it was last year.  I have such a creative group of students who blow my mind with their creativity.  Sometimes I embarrass myself (and them) by jumping up and down, hugging them, and yelling, “Oh! That is so brilliant!  I am so proud of you!!!” and then they tell me how white I am and I remind them that I know who Coolio is and they don’t.  

 

Moving on, I got another apple last week!  The student who gave it to me is a goofy, white kid, whose name is unfortunately, Melvin.*  I totally love him.  You have to imagine the hell of being a goofy, white 9^th grader at my school named Melvin.   He works really hard, never is a problem, and is always very respectful.  Today, I received a request to come to a child study (an evaluation for a possible learning disability) at the request of his foster parent.  I died a little.  That sweet boy is in foster care.  My first thought was, “Ok, I need to ask Mr. Nilknarf if we can adopt him.”  I’m really bad about this.  I want to bring all of my needy students into my home, as if living with me would fix everything and save them.  I was relieved to find out from his counselor that his foster parent is a wonderful woman who really loves him. 

 

As teachers, we hear many negative things.  From the snide, “must be nice to get your summers off!” to “I could NEVER do that job,” the comments can get demoralizing.  What people do not get, is we don’t do it just because we love the subjects we teach.  We do it for the kids like Melvin.  Next time, instead of making a negative (however well-intentioned) comment about how much our jobs must suck and how you don’t know how we do it, just thank us for what we do for kids.  If you have time, ask to hear a story about a kid who made it worth it for us.  It will make us both feel better about teaching. 

 

*This isn’t really his name, but it is something equally white and old timey. 

And it didn't even have poision or a razor blade in it!

I want to start out by saying that a student actually gave me an apple today.  I’m not kidding.  Am I suddenly teaching in an elementary school in Mayberry in the 50s?  Not quite, but 9^th grade has been a pleasant surprise.   

Several factors have made this year a little slice of heaven.  The first, 9^th graders are kind of precious.  They are old enough to be funny, young enough to still have a little baby in them.  I dig it.  Second, we have a largely new Admin team this year and everyone has come together to crack down on these little darlings big time.  We are sequestered on the second floor—it is very peaceful up here.  Also, the minute the little rascals hit the top of the steps with their hats, inappropriate t-shirts, crop tops, and sagging pants, they are unceremoniously yanked into the office and dealt with. This usually involves making them wear a really long, ugly t-shirt that leaves them moaning in horror.  It is a beautiful thing.  Finally, unlike any other grade, the entire 9^th grade staff meets as a team twice a week.  This is so helpful.  In particular, I love how we discuss the kids facing challenges (academically or behaviorally) and then strategize.  We have a great group upstairs, including my buddy Mr. B next door, who always fixes my computer, carries heavy things for me, and fills the void that Mr. I left by discussing Howard Stern with me.  I also love Mr. J and his endless supply of "Deez Nutz" jokes, which to paraphrase Ferris Bueller, is childish and ridiculous, but then so is high school.  Soooo…yes, I apologized to both my department chair and administrator for being a huge whiner about being moved because I really do love it.

I am getting to know my students and for the most part, I was totally in love by the end of week one.  I had them fill out a short getting to know you survey and their answers made me laugh, as well as gave me great insight.  A few of my favorite answers:

What is the one thing I should know about you in order to be the best teacher I can be for you? 

Don’t yell a lot, just when needed.  (I really try to never yell.  However, it is nice to know that when needed, I have the thumbs up.)

I struggle with school sometimes.  (Stuff like this kills me.)

I don’t like to be called on.  (Many say this, along with ‘I don’t like to read out loud.’  I honor it for a bit, but typically once they feel comfortable and realize I give out candy for participation, it becomes a non-issue.)

I like to be outside.  (Me, too!  Let’s start a beach school!)

Inspire me!  (No pressure, right?)

What language is spoken at home? (Amazingly, I have learned enough Spanish to make it work when I call home, but I do need a translator for some things.)

Spanglish.  (All righty, then.)

Do you have a preferred place to sit in the classroom?

In the middle, so I can have a good vibe with the front and back of the classroom. (I’m not sure what this means, but that’s cool, man.)

I like to sit alone, in a corner.  (Awesome.)

X and X don’t like me, please don’t put me near them and let this be our secret.  (This is the exact reason I put this question on the survey.  Can you imagine being seated next to someone who had tortured you in the past?)

What was the last book you read?

Some book about a rat.  (I don’t know why this amuses me so much, but I have been laughing about it for 2 weeks.)

Describe yourself in four words?

Weird.  (That’s not four words.)

Learnable, Teachable, Respect, Athletic.  (Heavy sigh…)

I need more words. (Well, that is four words.)

Quiet, Outspoken, Mean, Outgoing  (This young lady is the one mentioned above that the poor girl doesn’t want to sit next to.   I guess she wasn’t being paranoid.)

If you were in a terrible accident, had to have your arm amputated, and the doctor gave you the option of having your arm replaced with a baby-sized arm or a lobster claw, which would you pick and why? (This may seem silly, but it shows me how creative they are.  Also, I did not come up with the question.  If you are a teacher and you don’t read the blog called Love, Teach, you absolutely must).

Lobster claw.  So I can pinch mean people.  (If ever there was a good reason to have a lobster claw….)

Lobster claw, so people could be all, “Oh, he’s half lobster!” (I mean, technically, you’d only be like 1/8^th at most, but I get your drift.)

I don’t feel comfortable answering this.  (This answer made me laugh the hardest.  This is an uptight, little, white kid.  I’m sure he thinks I’m insane.)

Baby arm, because a lobster claw is weird. (Oh, but a baby arm is perfectly normal.)

Lobster claw, because I can pick up heavy objects and crack peanuts.  (Good point.  Very practical.)

Baby sized arm, so I can still use it when I dance.  (True, but how awesome would it be to have the lobster claw at weddings when they play Rock Lobster?)

What fresh hell is this? Ninth grade...

Well, the end of my third year has finally arrived.  I now have "tenure" or continuing contract status.  Basically, this means I have a level of job security I did not previously have and I'm no longer on probation.  I am really proud to share that I had a fantastic review and received an "exemplary" rating in two out of seven categories (and apparently, Admin was told to be very sparing in giving them out).  Of course, with any pro there is a con, and the con is that I have been asked to teach 9th grade next year, the one grade I swore I would never teach. 

When I first found out, I was absolutely horrified.  I'm not a fan of middle schoolers, and our 9th graders are typically low on the maturity spectrum.  I ran in a panic to my administrator and said, "Ninth grade?!  WHY?!  Am I being punished?"*  I was buttered up with all kinds of compliments about my teaching and leadership skills and next thing ya know, I agreed to do it (not that I really had a choice).

There are some plus sides.  There is no 9th grade English SOL, thus eliminating that nightmare and my yearly SOL-induced breakdown.  I will be teaching honors for the first time and I am excited about that (although who knows what "honors" really means with this population).  Even though I will have to start all over yet again with lesson plans, I really like the text book.  I have unilaterally hated the other three from previous years.   I will be upstairs, which is much more quiet (downside, it is notoriously hot up there).  With a new principal, there is a slight, SLIGHT, possibility that these kids may actually come in a little nervous and inclined to "respect mah authoritah."  Finally, I would be remiss if I did not mention closer proximity to my buddy Mr. W., who promises me that I will love 9th graders.

All in all, this has been a great year, with great kids.  As usual, I learned way more from them than they ever learned from me (especially if you look at their SOL scores!). I also maintain that my school has some of the finest educators in the business.  It takes a very specific type of person to work with that population  successfully and actually ENJOY it.  What a devoted, talented, crazy bunch I have the honor of working with!

Adios and Vaya con Dios

As for my summer plans, I plan on reading many trashy books, relishing sleeping in past 6:00 a.m. (if the dogs let me), and hopefully having my toes in the water and ass in the sand, so I can be ready for next year.

Life is good today. 


*Let me just say that having two of my own children go through those precious middle school years, were some of the worst of my parenting experience.  There is something very annoying, and faintly stinky, about middle schoolers. 

"You is Like my White Momma!"

Last year, I had the brilliant idea of making my students write letters to their teachers for Teacher Appreciation Week.  It was wildly successful and motivated so many teachers that I have done it again this year.  I always say something to the effect of, "I know I am everyone's favorite teacher, but if you have another teacher you would like to write to, please do.  I don't want anyone to feel like they have to suck up or be worried they will hurt my feelings."  Many write to me anyway, and I'm always and touched and amused by their thoughts. Last year, a student wrote "You is like my white momma!"  I will never forget it.  I am also shocked by who actually writes me.  It is often the person who I think hates me, or who has made little effort to interact with me, or this year, comes from the class I enjoy the least. 

Here are some gems from this year's letters (grammar and spelling intentionally not changed):

"Your really funny & whenever you get mad at people, it's even more funny.  Before the year is over, you should go in front of all the buses and start dancing."

"Your what I call a New School Party Animal with a spicy side if needed to be brought out." <what does this mean?  It sounds vaguely inappropriate!>

"I choose you as my favorite teacher to adknowledge because of your kindness, bad ass gangster coolness, and your humor and commitment towards your students." <this may be my favorite of the year>

"I feel comfortable in your class, which has definitely helped me since I am a newer student.  You know when to be funny and joyful in class which makes you that much better as my teacher."

"No matter how much you yell at me or give us alot of work your always here even when I'm failing your class."

"When I gave up on myself you was there and pushed me to do better."

<This one means so much because this student and I butted heads at the start of the year.> "Whenever I need help your there to help me.  Your a really nice teacher and you will always be there for your students no matter what."

"I appreciate the love you give to each and everyone of your students, especially me."

"I appreciate you because you didn't give up on me when I was straight up failing your class."

"At first I was like, 'Oh my gosh, this class is boring,' but now I love it."

Annnnnd a last minute entry that I just received at the end of the school day today (brace yourself),

"You always gives such good advice.  Member that time I was like Imma punch that bitch and you was like naw, don't do that?  I'm glad I listed to you." <I assume she means listened and I literally spit my drink out reading that one>.

How to Tame the Tigers

This year is my "tenure" year.  That means, that it is the end of my third year and that I have some job stability after this point.  Through this year, if there are cuts in my department, I am at risk.  Of course, the people who have joined the faculty more recently go first, but it happens.  As part of my tenure, I have to create this "justify my existence" binder that includes documentation in categories such as professional development, instructional delivery, and learning environment.  One thing that is to be included is my "classroom management philosophy."  It is ever-evolving, but as I end my third year, I feel like I have a decent handle on it.  So, for what it's worth--here it is:

Fred Jones, classroom management guru, says that you are either consistent or inconsistent.  There is no in between.  They key to successful management is a combination of clear and consistent expectations, and building strong student relationships.  The first day of school, I let my students know what the expectations are.  We review them daily for the first 2 weeks.  They never change.  I post my expectations in visible places around the room, as well as outside the classroom. 

Building strong relationships helps to reinforce those rules because a student will not behave for a teacher he does not respect.  If a student believes a teacher truly cares about him, he is more likely to follow classroom expectations.  I greet my students at the door each day, as if seeing them is the best thing that has happened to me all day.  I always say hello to them in the halls.  I compliment their clothes, nails, hair, and shoes.  I make an effort to know them—who their friends are, what their interests are, what their challenges are.  I attend as many school events as I can.  Many behaviors are attention seeking.  Especially with this population, students can be so desperate for attention that they do not care if it is positive or negative.  I reward positive behaviors (students are very motivated by candy) on a daily basis.  By giving positive attention, the negative attention-seeking behavior typically diminishes. 

I make a point to develop interesting lesson plans that my students will enjoy.  If I am bored teaching it, they most certainly are bored learning it.  I select literature and writing topics that are relatable and meaningful.  I change up activities every 15 minutes.  I do collaborative work often because not only does it give them a chance to engage and talk in an appropriate way, they really do learn from each other.  I use technology regularly –they love using the computers.  I have fully integrated Edmodo into my lesson planning.  I post handouts and power points, and use it for quizzes and tests.   An engaged student has far fewer opportunities to misbehave.

I believe that about 50% of behaviors can be ignored.  This is where good student relationships come in handy.  Typically, the class self-manages so other students will tell the offending student to be quiet or cut it out.  If there is an issue in class, I typically redirect or give a warning.  An ongoing or severe issue results in a student being asked to step outside.  Students will dig their own grave just to prove a point and not back down in front of their peers, so removing them gives them an opportunity to change the behavior without losing face.  Outside the classroom talks always come from a position of loving concern, never anger.  Our students see anger and hear yelling all the time and it has little impact.  I usually start with, “What’s going on?  You know better than that…”  I refer to the classroom expectations I have posted outside my classroom as a reminder that they do indeed know that is not acceptable behavior in my class.  I also throw in a “You know I care about you and your behavior really hurts my feelings…” That usually garners an apology.  High school is a difficult time and often their behavior is a direct reflection of some sort of stress unrelated to my class.  The outside conferences are always very quick and then we return to class.  If they need more time outside to calm down, I allow them that.  Then they can slip back in unnoticed while the rest of the class is working.

I develop parent relationships from Week 1.  I typically call every parent the first week of school to introduce myself.  One of my first teaching mentors told me, “There are few parent conversations that can’t be turned around by presenting your concern from the position that you want their student to be successful.”   I get emails and phone numbers and address any concerns I have upfront and document them.  MIRs* are also an excellent way to document a history of unacceptable behaviors.  This way, if there is a major issue that I have to turn over to administration, I have documentation of trying to address the behavior.

Finally, there are incidents of unacceptable behaviors that require immediate administrative action.  It is important to show the rest of the class that certain behaviors will not be tolerated, but with a minimal amount of disruption.  I try to stay calm and react from a place of stability rather than emotion.  There is nothing more satisfying to a student than to see that he has rattled a teacher.  Once the student is gone, I continue class like nothing happened.  The next time I see that student, I act like I always do.  There is always an opportunity for a fresh start in my class.  

*Minor Incident Reports--they serve as a written warning.  You get 3 in a 9 weeks and you get an administrative referral.

A sequel to "How You Gonna Fail Me?" entitled "Awwww HELL NO!"

Act I - in the Lecture Hall where Miz N is graciously spending her planning time proctoring an SOL.  Annie walks in and sees Miz N standing there.

Annie:  Awwww HELL NO!  I ain't goin' in there to take my SOL if she's gonna be in here!

Dr:  C:  Now Annie, you know you have to take this SOL.  Besides, Miz N is leaving with a smaller group of students; she won't even be in here...<quietly, to Miz N> She's such a delightful child, isn't she?

Miz N:  A dream!  Makes me excited to come to work!



Act II: Outside Miz N's classroom later that day.  Miz N is greeting her students.  Annie is standing there.  Miz N is ignoring her, partially for fear of incurring Annie's wrath and having another scene.  Miz N has had enough of scenes.

Annie:  Miz N, can I come back to your class?

Miz N:  No.

Annie:  <shocked, all innocent outrage>  Why not?

Miz N:  Because you are finished in here.  <walks into classroom>

Teaching is not for Sisiyphussies

I am so. unbelievably. tired.  If my daughter ever asks me (and I doubt she will) what the essence of being a teacher means, I will tell her it is exhaustion.  I am exhausted in every conceivable definition of the word:  physically, mentally, spiritually, and psychologically.  When people ask me what I do on my breaks, the answer is always the same.  I sleep. 

My students, for some inexplicable reason, like to ask me if I went "to da club this weekend." My answer usually goes something like this, "No, I did not.  My weekends usually involve my husband hoping that I can make it through a movie we rented without falling asleep--which is typically around 9:30."  I feel like  Sisyphus.  Every morning I have to get up in the dark, work all day doing the impossible, come home and attempt to pay attention to my children and husband's needs, and then fall into bed exhausted, only to do it all again the next day.

Last week was ridiculous--I had to make a CPS call (the details of which I obviously can't go in to, but obviously, that is never a happy thing), "Annie," the muse for my play "How You Gonna Fail Me?" threatened me with bodily harm, and then there were all kinds of fun personal dramas plaguing me.  I happily took Friday off, went to a Barry Manilow concert with my gay bff, had a few drinks and then settled in for a luxurious night's sleep with no requirement to get up at any particular time.

Then I woke up at 5:57.

WTF?

Why is it that Monday through Friday, 6:00 a.m. comes and I am pulled out of a dead sleep by my alarm, but if I don't have to get up, I wake up?  I didn't just wake up; I was wide awake.  Luckily, I was able to fall back asleep...and then...my cell phone rang.

"Miz Nilknarf!  Where are you?"  It was Devon.  I have no idea how he got my phone number.  I don't really keep it a secret--I have no problem with my students calling me.  I just don't recall giving it to him specifically. 

"I am out today, remember?"  I responded with all kinds of dramatic yawning.

"Well, when are you going to be back?"  he demanded.

This brings to mind a phenomenon, that I like to call "You are a teacher, therefore you must not have a life or even exist for that matter, outside of school grounds."  My first department head said that students think we are robots that are powered down for the night after school is over each day.  Don't believe me?  How else can one explain the complete and utter shock students have when they see me out in public?  Say I run into a student at the mall.  They will run to me with eyes wide and say, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"  with the same amount of astonished horror that I would ask that question of say, running into my mother in a crack house.  It's just not fathomable.  Bottom line, they are allowed to skip class, stay home from school, sleep in class, etc.  However, I am expected to be there with a smile on my face no matter what!  Consider this note I found on the top of a test students took when I was absent earlier this year. 

It's kind of sweet actually (if you are inclined to ignore the poor grammar).   It is nice to know I am loved (except  by Annie, who continues to assert that I am failing her for no reason).  Anyway, Teacher Appreciation Week is coming up May 6-10.  If you have kids in school, if you are in school, or if you have a way to contact a teacher that made a difference in your life, take the time to write them a note.  Gifts are awesome, but not necessary.  Tell them you value what they do.  I promise you it will mean so much to that person. 

A Short Play Entitled, "How You Gonna Fail Me?"

Characters:

Annie:  A senior, in my 10th grade English class for the 2nd year.
Ms. T:  Guidance Counselor (or as we just call them now, "Professional Counselor")
Dr. C:  Vice Principal
Miz N:  English teacher supreme


Act I scene i:  Scene opens with teacher sitting at her desk creating rigorous and relevant lesson plans that support the 10th grade SOLs (Standards of Learning). 

Annie:  Miz N, I need to talk to you about making up my work.

Miz N:  Annie, you have not earned higher than a 50 any quarter so far.  You have barely been in class all year.  Repeated opportunities to make up missed work have been ignored.  I have tried to work with you.  It is time for you to accept that you will not be passing this class.

Annie:  But your class is the only one that I'm not passing and because of you I'm not going to graduate!

Miz N:  That is really too bad that you did not do the work to ensure on time graduation.  To pass you would not be fair to everyone else who has come to class and done their work.

Annie:  But I'm not like everyone else!  I gots kidney stones and depression!

Miz N:  I have tried to work with you and you have made no effort. 

<student walks out of classroom and slams the door>

Scene ii:  Counselor's office

Miz N:  As I have told you, Annie will not be able to pass my class due to her ongoing absences and unwillingness to meet my generous deadlines to make up her work.  She claims my class is the only problem.  Is this true?

Ms. T:  No, she is failing almost all of her classes, plus she has not passed her 11th grade SOL.  She is well aware of her graduation status.  I will talk to her again.

Scene iii:  Administrator's Office

Miz N:  I would like to talk to you about Annie.  I have tried to work with her, but it looks like she is going to fail English 10 a second time.

Dr. T:  Oh, I am well aware.  She has missed 65 days of school this year.  She has seat time* to make up and came to ask me for a waiver.  I told her that since she has not made up a single hour of seat time, and continues to miss school, I'm not really inclined to be sympathetic. 

Act II:  Miz N's class, later that day.  Bell Rings.

Miz N:  Ok, projects are due, so let's get those out.

Annie <who doesn't have her project>:  I ain't stayin' here....<walks out, slams door>

Miz N: <calling security on phone>  Hello, Annie Lazy just walked out of my class.

Students:  What's her problem?

Miz N:  She's mad because she hasn't been here all year and her choices are catching up with her. 

<a few minutes later, Ms. T returns Annie to class>

Miz N:  She does not get to return to my class today after walking out and slamming the door.  She needs to go to In School Detention.  <Annie is now disrupting the class, talking to other students about how mean Miz N is for failing her for no reason.>  Annie, can you please stop disrupting the students who have chosen to stay in class and do their work today?

Annie:  How you gonna fail me?  Why you tell them I'm failing?  That ain't none of their business?

Miz N:  Annie, it is no big secret, you haven't been here all year and they know it. You need to leave with Ms. T and go to ISD.

Annie:  I heard you, you ain't gotta tell me 50 Damn Times!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand scene.

*Seat Time is a completely ridiculous option where a student can still possibly graduate even if they have missed more than the allowed absences (assuming they are passing their classes).  Students literally stay after school or come on Saturdays to "sit" and write essays, thus making up their absences.  The playwrite thinks that is bullshit.

"Just you..."

The opportunity to build relationships is really what can make teaching rewarding.  However, with the population I teach, the opportunity to build relationships that are not just supportive, but can be a lifeline and impact a student in a tangible way is all around me.  Often these kids are not likeable, are discipline problems, and poor students. 

Devon is what we call a "hot mess."  He is frequently in trouble, his grades are marginal at best, and he has a really bad habit of telling outrageous lies for attention.  He came in about a quarter of the way into the school year and my first memorable experience with him was when he came into my mid-term exam saying,

"Man!  I gots to get da fuk outta here!"

"But," I said, more than a little taken aback, "you have to take your exam first!"

"FUCK DAT!" Devon responded, and then he walked out.

 Luckily, we bonded back when I asked him to teach me some moves for the Old Skool Dance we had last winter. The look on his face watching me attempt to imitate him was priceless.  He would shake his head and go, "Miz Nilknarf!  Why you so stiff?  You gotta stop being so white!"

We've gotten to a much better place and now he is like a puppy. An omnipresent puppy, always getting into things and keeping me from getting my work done! He lives with his grandparents and I try to sift through the tales he tells me to discover what is real and what is not.  Whatever it is, it isn't good. I still struggle to be patient with him. He isn't defiant anymore, but he needs constant redirection, puts forth minimal effort, and is very quick to take advantage. 

Anyway, we are doing a project on archetypes in literature (the hero, the villain, the mentor, the faithful companion).  I asked them to create a collage where they are the hero and tell their story, assigning archetypes to significant people in their lives.  As I'm explaining this to Devon again after class he says,

"So would I put Derek Jeter on there for my mentor?"

"No, a mentor isn't the same thing as an idol.  A mentor is someone who is a part of your life that inspires and guides you," I explain again. 

"Well, Derek Jeter does that for me."

"No," I sigh, trying again, "a mentor archetype is someone the hero knows who is involved in his life, who cares about him and gives him good advice.  Like Yoda did for Luke Skywalker."

Literally, the child started tearing up.  He says, "Well I don't have nobody like that...just you."

This is the moment where I want to burst into tears, hug him, and invite him to live with me, and right all of the various injustices that Life has handed this poor kid. 

Instead I smiled and said, "Well, then put me on there.  That would be an honor." 

Yearbook and the Moment I've Been Expecting Since my First Year

Over the last school year, I have alluded to the challenges of my first year as yearbook adviser.  I haven't really had the energy to go into it because sometimes something sucks so much that it's not worth the emotion and energy it takes to write it down.  Yearbook was like being a first year teacher again.  Here is why:  I had no idea what I was doing, I had no idea how to manage the kids, I lived under constant fear (self-imposed) of being fired, the kids had absolutely no concern at all about the yearbook or their grade in the class, and that was all just the first few weeks!  After many nights of insomnia worrying about how I was going to meet deadlines and many afternoons coming home frustrated to the point of tears, I am happy to say that a yearbook I am proud of was uploaded on time.  I also came to have a great relationship with the kids and we became a family.  I went from saying no way on this earth would I ever do yearbook again to being excited about next year.  I am in the process now of interviewing staff (which is nice, because I can pick kids I know and have a relationship with) and making plans for next year.

Typically, the staff should consist of well-behaved, bright students, who are motivated and require little supervision.  But since there are only about a dozen of those in the entire school...bwahahahaha!  No seriously, I've got some good kids coming in.  I also picked a student that I actually failed in English 10 last year.  Jordan is good-natured and personable, but he slept through most of my class last year and never turned any work in.  When I called his dad, I was told that, "Jordan has a first class case of the 'I don't give a shits' and we are out of ideas."  This year, Jordan has matured quite a bit and also comes to visit me every single day.  He volunteered to do work for the yearbook, taking pictures after school, to prove to me that he deserved a chance.  He is a great example of not only how a kid can mature over the course of high school, but how building a relationship with a teacher can facilitate that. 

Other big news--the moment I've been expecting since about 8 weeks into my first year teaching, came when our principal announced that he is leaving.  I'm not sure what exactly the story is, other than that his five year contract is up and either he decided not to renew it or the county did.  I have mixed feelings about his leaving.  On the one hand, after a rocky start, he and I have built a great relationship and I know that he likes, respects, and trusts me.  He also has been very supportive of me in some pretty intense situations (see my previous blog post for an example).  For better or worse, I understand how the school works with him as the head of it and know how to navigate it.  That said, it would be super awesome if we can get a real ball buster in there who the teachers all can get behind and who the students can respect and trust.  I am hoping that one of our current vice principals gets the position. 

Finally, I am back to enjoying teaching again.  After months of the tedium of teaching 5 paragraph persuasive essays to prep for the SOL, I am so excited to get back to the kind of creative lesson planning that teaching literature can inspire.  With us into the last quarter of the year, which always flies by, I know that summer will be here soon enough.

We Are (Dysfunctional, Crazy) Family

Who here has a family member that annoys them?  That sometimes hurts their feelings?   Makes you feel unappreciated?  Who here knows that for all the dysfunction, when push comes to shove, your family is there for you?

What I learned this week, is that not only am I valued by my coworkers, but that I am cared for, and we are a family.  I won't go into details, but I will say that true to form, my yearly SOL-induced funk was in full force by last week.  A couple of things happened when I was already feeling low, and next thing you know, I was filling out the paperwork for a transfer.

This weekend, I had a family emergency.  My coworkers, my department chair, my administrators, and my principal came out in full force.  They didn't just step up, they went above and beyond.  I literally have been moved to tears by the amount of compassion and love I have been shown in the last 48 hours.

I have only been teaching three years, but I have been in the workforce for 25.  I have had jobs I loved and jobs I hated.  I have made great friends at work in the past.  I have had great bosses--in fact, one I named my son after.  Never, across the board, have I worked with such a big-hearted, brilliant, beautiful group of people.  For each one of you (coworkers past and present) reading this who has held my hand, commiserated with me, made me smile, listened to stories about my dog, watched my class so I could go to the bathroom, forced me to come to Zumba, had a drink with me, pretended we have a thing going on because the students think it's funny, let me steal your lesson plans, given me chocolate, given me Tylenol, answered my texts, sent me inappropriate emails that make me snort while my kids are taking a test; I adore you.  It is an honor to call you not just coworkers or friends, but family.

I withdrew my transfer paperwork this afternoon.   

Goodbye Breaks my Heart

“But the wild things cried, “Oh please don’t go - we’ll eat you up - we love you so!”
And Max said, “No!”
The wild things roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth and rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws but Max stepped into his private boat and waved goodbye.” 


I care about all of my students. Some I enjoy teaching because they are smart, some because they are funny, some because they are horrible and I consider it a challenge to draw them out.  Some I care about because they need someone to care about them.  I have a few students who, for any combination of the above stated reasons, steal my heart and when I have to say goodbye to them, it hurts.

Unfortunately, we have a very transient population.  I have students leaving and new ones coming in all the time.  No matter what, I have to say good-bye to them when they graduate. A few weeks into the school year, a student I will call Brenden joined my class.  He was rambunctious, to be sure.  He wasn't disrespectful at all, just kind of challenging to get focused to complete his work.  One time, he started making random mooing noises in class.  They were shockingly realistic.  It was incredibly amusing. That said, it was really disruptive.  Finally, one day I said,

"Hey Brenden, you know, I grew up going to my grandmother's farm every summer.  She had cows and so I am really good at cow noises, too. So on Monday, you are going to stay after school for detention and you and I are going to moo together until you get it out of your system."

We did just that.  For about 5 minutes.  Then we talked.  Brenden is from Puerto Rico.  He has moved 15 times in the last 5 years.  He talked about how hard it is to move, make new friends, and then experience the loss of saying good-bye over and over. His mother had returned to Puerto Rico to care for her ailing parents and so he was staying with a friend. He said, "Please don't think I am a bad kid.  Sometimes I just make bad choices."  My heart melted.  Then I drove him home.

From that point on, Brenden became really enjoyable to teach.  He tried to work hard for me and I let him be his crazy self just enough to let him have fun.   We break for lunch a quarter of the way through class and often he stayed behind to have lunch with me.  We talked about Saturday Night Live and he would show me other silly videos on Youtube that made us both laugh. I started referring to him as "Moo Moo," and he loved it.

Last month, Brenden was incredibly withdrawn in class.    I asked him if he wanted to talk.  When everyone else filed out for lunch, he stayed at his desk.  When he looked up, big tears were running down his face.  His mother had decided that they needed to move back to Puerto Rico permanently.  I immediately thought of asking my husband if we could keep him with us or doing whatever necessary not to only prevent him from having to go through moving again, but to avoid my own pain of saying goodbye. 

Brenden's last day was on Thursday.  He must have come by between every class to give me a hug.  At one point someone said, "Man, you are moving? Why didn't you tell me?"  I knew why. Telling people is painful.  Saying goodbye is painful--much easier to just slip away.

At the end of the day, he came to hug me one more time.  I wanted to cry, but I didn't.  I knew that would make it so much worse for him.  So I smiled, and I got his email address and I told him to keep in touch and that maybe one day we will come visit him in Puerto Rico.  I can't imagine what my 5th period will be like without him.  I can't imagine what my 5th period would have been like, if I hadn't kept him after school that day for our mooing session.  It just shows that every kid has a story and sometimes, we as teachers get to be a part of that story in a really meaningful way.  Even if it is only for a very short time.

The Winter of our Despair

I have started to write this post so many times since the unspeakable horror in Newton, CT.  What can I say that no one else has said already?  My perspective is not unique; I have no words of wisdom, no words that will make sense of something so tragic.  As with any other time something goes on that is painful in the world or in my backyard, I just get up the next morning and do the best I can. 

There are no easy answers.  The NRA suggested armed guards at every school.  Not so shocking to me because we already have two armed police officers at our school.  Would I carry a gun?  Absolutely not.  Would I work at a school where staff and faculty were permitted to be armed?  No way.  Which brings me to the biggest question....

Do I feel safe?

Yes.  Kind of.  If I look at it logically, I feel safe.  Although it is happening entirely too frequently, the fact is that teachers and students go to school without incident the majority of the time.  We have gaps in our security, true, but I have a much, much higher chance of getting in an accident on the way to school.  Everyone is on high alert, new safety considerations are being instituted.  It has never been more safe to go to school than right now. 

But, do I feel safe?

No, not really.

I've had nightmares.  My mind has gone to dark places.  I have cried.  Even though I made every effort to not watch coverage, I still know entirely too much about the shootings and am haunted by the victims' sweet, little faces.  The fact is, anyone could walk in our building and do great damage before our officers could get there.  We found a bullet on the floor of the cafeteria this week.  "No one is in any danger, it could have been dropped by anybody.  We had 400 people in the building last night for a game..."  Right.  

The first week, I locked my door every minute we were in the classroom.  This week, I have not.  I'm going to move on and teach because that is really all I can do.  I have SOLs in just 8 weeks.  Then I can take a breath and then, I will be just steps away spring.

Dear Santa....

Dear Santa,


I love my students and teaching.  I really do.  There are just some things on my wish list, not just for my school, but for education in general, that would make so much more sense. So if there is a Santa for education, the following would be on my list:

1.  I wish every student had a computer and Internet access at home.  It is a digital world and we expect our students to keep up. What concerns me is that the expectations do not take reality into consideration.  I allow time in school for computer use for my assignments.  However, we have been told that no Internet at home is not an "excuse" and parents need to be taking their kids to the public library to use the computers.  Wow, if only it was that easy.

2.  I wish that students would understand that they largely hold their success or failure in their own hands.  I wish that society would get that as well and stop blaming teachers.  I failed more than 20% of my students in two of my classes.  Why?  I failed them because they did not do the work.  Flat out, did not do it.  They had opportunities in class, opportunities to make up the work, turn it in late, warnings, calls home, conferences...I did everything I could.  When they got F's did the principal call them in and ask them why they failed?  Nope.  However, I had to create a report that listed each student, why they failed, what efforts I made to get them to pass, and what I'm going to do to make sure they pass this nine weeks.  Literally each entry looked like this:

Chris Smith - Grade:  47/F  Chris failed because he did not turn in his paper, project or journal.  Ample time was allowed in class for each assignment, as well as a window of time where he could turn it in late. Chris often was tardy or skipped class entirely, slept in class, and did not manage class time properly.   I signed Chris up for SDS (our study hall where they can use computers and complete work), called home, and conferenced with Chris on his plan for getting the work done.  To allow any further opportunities for turning in work late, beyond the final due date, would not be fair to the students who did the work on time, as well as send Chris the wrong message about my expectations for work.  My hope is that Chris will understand that there are consequences for not turning in his work and will take this class more seriously next 9 weeks. Further, by not completing his classwork, he is not being properly prepared for the SOL.  I strongly feel that to pass a student who will most likely not pass the SOL, just so I show a higher pass rate, is pointless.

Second verse, same as the first.

3.  I wish that every child who worked hard and applied themselves, had the guarantee of college/post-high school education.  For so many kids, if college isn't an option, high school is a waste of time and something they just get through.  If we get to a point in this country where college is truly only for the wealthy, we will never keep up in the global economy.

4.  I wish that we had more computers in our school and better Internet access.  For all the push there is for 21st-century skills, we are dealing with dial-up speed Internet and a serious lack of computers.  The irony is frustrating, to say the least.

5.  I wish that I had enough time in each period to do all of the growing list of things I am expected to do in preparation for the SOL. 

6.  I wish we had healthier options in the cafeteria. The last period of the day would be much better if the kids had a healthy lunch rather than two bags of chips, some french fries and a candy bar.

7.  I wish our county had school uniforms.  In addition to putting an immediate end to sagging pants and cleavage, it would eliminate the stress that comes with not having the "right" clothes.  True story:  I would not wear ANYTHING to school unless I saw the popular kids wear it first.  Another true story:  More than once, I was devastated because someone making fun of my clothes--and my parents weren't poor! 

8.  I wish every teacher had the supportive network of fabulous professionals that I am honored to work with each day. 

9.  I wish administrators had to be in the classroom teaching for a certain amount of hours each year, just so they don't forget.

10.  I wish every student could go to a home each day where education was a priority and their safety, happiness and comfort was a given.  I know way too many kids where this is not the case. 

So Santa, if you could help me out...I'd really appreciate it.  I'll leave extra cookies in the Teachers' Lounge for you!

Love,

Miz Nilknarf

No Gray Area

Last week was a big news week in my county, none of it good.  Last Wednesday, my daughter (who is a senior at another high school in the county where I teach) came downstairs with news that an acquaintance of hers had been sleeping with a young substitute teacher. Something went wrong (gee, what could possibly go wrong in that scenario?) and the student, now a freshman in college, had released all the naked pictures and graphic texts she had sent him. 

Immediately, students and teachers, as well as people not just in our area, but all over the country weighed in.  At the time, little was known beyond what I have just stated.  Many people thought it was no big deal for a young woman (in her early 20s) to have a relationship with a student, if he was 18.  Many blamed that student for the maliciousness of releasing those pictures and "ruining her life."  Many people, including a female administrator at my school said they felt "sorry for her" and "angry at him."  Many gave the student a high five for bedding a hot, young teacher.  I found that disturbing.  What utterly broke my heart was the racist, ignorant comments that came because the student was black and the teacher was white. 

My opinion all along has been that the teacher was in a position of trust.  At best, it is unethical and a conflict of interests.  It doesn't matter that he is eighteen.  It doesn't matter how young and attractive she is.  What matters is that school is a place where children (and yes, you are a child when you are in high school) should be safe.  No one, male or female, young or old, attractive or unattractive, who seeks out a relationship with a student is in good mental health.  This was not about love or sex.

My position was validated when I heard this morning that the substitute had been arrested on two felonies due to relationships she had with other students who were underage.  In one case, the sex occurred on school property. If one student, who was eighteen, is ethically questionable, multiple relationships show a pattern of a true predator who gets off on the power of the (I am certain) adoration she was getting from the young male students. 

As a society, we must change our thinking on two issues.  The first is that abuse where there is an older woman and a younger, male victim is somehow not abuse.  If one person is in a position of power, then it is abuse.  The second is the attitude that if the victim "liked it" then somehow, it's not as bad.  Psychological damage can take much longer to heal than physical attacks.  Think about your own baggage--is it because someone hit you or because someone messed with your mind?

I love my students and am very protective of them.  I didn't realize how much until that same day that "Substitute Teachergate" went down.  During the last period of the day, an announcement was made to shut and lock our doors and not to let anyone out.  Lockdown.  Shots had been fired in the neighborhood. This is the fear of every teacher since Columbine.  I have often wondered what I would do in my windowless classroom if we were in danger.  As my mind went to the worst possible scenario, I knew without a doubt that I would do whatever it took to keep my students safe.  I am no hero.  I am like every other teacher, whom parents put their trust in every day.  Parents trust that we will not just educate our students, but nurture and protect them.  We should always be their advocates and act in their best interest. This is a sacred trust and any teacher who violates that with any kind of questionable behavior has no place in the school system. 

To me there is no gray area. 

It's a new day; it's a new dawn and I'm feeling....

...pretty good.

The year has started out going really well (except for Yearbook, which I hate, but that's another post for another day).  The classroom management secrets that I figured out last year have made for a much better start to the year, in terms of letting the kids know my expectations.  The top 3?

• Find the most obnoxious kid in the class and make that kid your best friend.
• Kids will behave better if they genuinely believe that you care about them (that means setting expectations, sticking to them and letting them know they have your full support)
• Inappropriate behavior:  Ignore 50%. laugh off 20%, talk to the kid privately 20%, call home 9%, write up 1% and only when all else fails.

I will also say that Admin is towing the hard line this year and it has made a huge difference.  This year there are absolutely no hats allowed in the building.  While this may seem like a small thing, it really makes a difference.  It avoids a million little opportunities to defy authority.  Before, this is what it looked like--  Kid knows he's not supposed to wear hat in the building.  Kid wears it anyway.  Teacher asks him to take it off.  He obliges, turns the corner, hat back on.  Another teacher asks him to take it off, lather, rinse, repeat.

I am also teaching "World Literature" as opposed to "American Literature."  While initially, I was really unhappy about this, there is quite a bit of freedom in it.  I hate the textbook.  It is full of what I call, "dead white guys" and the kids just don't relate to it.  Heck, I don't relate to it!  We haven't done much reading yet because I am focusing on writing for the SOL (more on that in a minute), but I have selected a few short stories to teach reading strategies that have been very successful. 

"The Last Spin" -- This is about 2 rival gangs who decide to settle a dispute by having one member from each play Russian Roulette.  In the course of the game, the two gang members realize they have much in common and admit to fear and discontent with gang life.  I always leave the last page out and make them write the ending.  By the way, their endings are often better than the real one.

"The Landlady" -- This is often read in middle school.  However,  I have such a wide range of reading levels and it is great to teach strategies such as making inferences, making predictions, and visualizing.  I won't say too much about this one because to do so would ruin it, but suffice it to say that it has a spooky and twisted element that students can't resist.

"Birthday Party"-- Truly a short story at only four paragraphs, it does such a great job of painting a picture of the setting, the events and the characters that it is awesome for teaching the importance of writing with vivid, sensory details.  It also makes for some great classroom discussions.  I loved hearing my kids hotly debate what they thought was going on. 

The last thing I want to talk about is the debate about standardized tests and merit-based pay.  The Colorado teachers strike brought some big issues to the forefront of America's conscious and I think ultimately was a very important step.  While I do agree there should be some way to evaluate how students are progressing, our current culture of standardized tests is not the solution.  Example:  in the same county where I teach there is a school largely populated by upper middle class families.  Their scores are excellent.  What is the difference?  Both schools have excellent facilities and basically the same amount of funding.  In fact, we have more funding due to a grant we were awarded two years ago.  Both schools have excellent teachers.  One of our teachers was Teacher of the Year not just for the county, but for the region.  The difference is the socioeconomic level of the students.

I can't even begin to explain all the ways this makes a huge difference in how students do in school.  If you aren't familiar with Maslow's Hierarchy of Need, read here about how not having basic survival and comfort needs met impact a student's behavior and performance.  Remember also, that while you may have the time and desire to work with your student, contact teachers, and bug your student to do his work, not all do or can.  It's not even an issue of not wanting to do those things in most cases.  Many of these parents are single parents, working more than one job, or struggling with other issues that just keep education from being the priority.  I also had a teacher friend point out that many parents are intimidated by the system, based on their own experiences. 

The point is, don't judge these parents because you have no idea what is going on in their lives or what they have been through.  After having only the parents of seven (out of 110) students show up for Back to School Night, I was really angry and depressed. However, I have decided this year to double my efforts in reaching out to parents early and often.  I have been delighted by how appreciative these parents are.  Many of them say that they hate that the first time they hear about a problem, it is "too late."  They care about their kids and want them to be successful, sometimes they just don't know where to start. 

This brings me back to standardized testing and merit based pay.  Merit based pay basically says that  successful performance as a teacher (and therefore in some cases, raises, if you are fortunate to work in a county where raises are an option, which I am not, sadly) is based on how students do on standardized tests and other state mandated gauges.  I get the logic behind it, but it is short sighted.  I can only control what happens for the time they are in my classroom, which ranges between 3 and 4.5 hours per week.  That's it.  What happens at home, what they choose to do outside the classroom, the million little and big choices that they make or their parents make impact their performance far more than anything I could ever hope to do.  Yet, I am held accountable. 

It's just wrong.

I don't know what the answer is, but my thought is that teachers and parents must be involved in this conversation and a massive overhaul of our educational system is needed to prepare these kids for the world they will face when they leave school.  Further, if a quality education becomes something that is only available to those who can pay to provide it, we are in deep trouble.  If you want to know what the state of education is, what we need, what can be done, ask a teacher.  I'm sure they will have many insights for you. 

Little Mysteries Revealed

One thing a high school teacher is always curious to find out?  Their schedule.  There are so many advantages and disadvantages to having certain class periods.  My first year teaching, I didn't have a first period.  I liked that because it meant I didn't have to hit the ground running.  I could come in, leisurely check my mail box and my email and settle into my day.  Last year, I had a first year period and I liked it because those kids are sleepy and QUIET!  This year, I don't have a first period and I'm fine with that. 

I learned my first year that having a class the last period of the day sucks.  Kids are fried, hopped up on the sugar they ate at lunch and basically done when they walk in your class.  Another great thing about not having a class last period is that you have the option to sign out early (or sneak out early...of course I have never done that).  Both last year and this year, I have kids the last period every day.  Oh well....

My other planning period is midday and it is when lunch happens.  This always seems like a super extended planning period to me because I usually just eat lunch in my classroom.  "Planning Period" sounds like more fun than it is.  First off, think about how fast an hour goes by when you are in your office working on something (versus when you are on Facebook trying to kill time).  Then, there is something called "duty".  Your duty takes up HALF of your planning period.  Some duties are conducive to getting work done (hall duty is great for grading papers) and some are hell on earth where you will do nothing but pray that it will be over soon (lunch duty).  So, once you have walked to and from duty, that really leaves you about 30-40 minutes of planning time. 

Which leads me to "Teacher Work Days."  Ever wonder what we do on those days?  I bet you think those days are fun, leisurely days where we grade papers and get our grades in, right?  Nope.  Those days usually require that we have our grades in by 10:00 a.m. and then the rest of the time we are in meetings or trainings.  How about "Teacher Work Week," which starts Monday for us?  That's not a week of us getting our classrooms ready, doing lesson plans, getting all of our copies made and organized for the first day.  Well, we do that but we only have about 6 hours in our classrooms that whole week.  The rest of the time?  Yep, meetings and trainings.

"But you get the whole summer off!"  Yes, I do.  However, I offer you this:  My contract is for a little over $39,000.00 this year.  I taught summer school so that knocked out three weeks (see previous sentence about my yearly income).  Summer is also when we take classes required for our recertification.  Last but not least, our job is really exhausting and stressful.  I know many people have stressful, exhausting jobs, but most of those people make more than I do and can afford nice vacations.  Also, imagine that you get bronchitis and have to call in sick.  Maybe you have the option to telecommute or be conferenced in for meetings.  If not, your office is just going to have to suck it up, postpone meetings, have a coworker fill in, whatever.  I have to get a sub (no easy feat at my school), create lesson plans for my sub and pray that my students don't assault the sub (it has happened).  Being out for more than one day is really more hassle than it's worth.  My first year teaching, I got pneumonia.  I missed one day.  Did I mention I only make $39,000.00 a year??

A letter to myself for February 2013

Dear MizNilknarf,

By the time you read this, it will be February 2013.  Things are rough for you right now.  I know, I know...it's winter, the weather sucks and you are tired of getting up in the dark.  Spring Break is months away.  You have been furiously prepping your kids for the SOL and you daily shake your head and think, "They are going to fail and I am going to be fired."  You are frustrated because you feel like you are putting your heart and soul into teaching them and they don't care.  You want it more than they do. The SOL is just a few weeks away and they still don't get that a thesis is only one sentence or how to write a decent introductory paragraph. Their spelling and grammar is deplorable.  I mean come on, this is 10th grade--surely they should know by now that writing a paper is different from a text message!  Why are they spelling "you" as "u" and using a "&" for "and"! This is your tenure year and you are thinking that for sure, you are going to apply for a transfer to another school.   You fantasize about a classroom where students come prepared every day, the students are motivated, they function at a higher level, their parents actually care, they have goals for the future and they realize they have to work for them.  You fantasize about working at a school where Admin is consistent, where students are held accountable instead of it all being the teachers' fault, where you can actually expect repercussions for some of the stuff that you have decided to just ignore because you are tired of filling out referrals with no real result.  In short, you feel like you are totally wasting your time.

You are so wrong. 

The first thing you need to do is call your sister because she is your cheerleader and is very good at getting you back on track.

Still not convinced?

Consider the following:

• The last two years, you have beaten yourself up about pending SOL scores and they have been really good.  So just chill out.  No one expects you to be Annie Sullivan, for God's sake.
• Progress isn't about grades or the SOL.  Remember the borderline MR kid who got a B in your class last year and worked so hard? Think of all the kids who started the year not being able to write a decent sentence, who now are writing good paragraphs. What about the many kids who have told you they hated English until they took your class?
• For all their challenges, these kids are funny.  As "July 2012 MizNilknarf", I am here to remind you that you were kind of bored teaching the mid to upper class kids in SAT prep.  They don't find you as funny...
•  You have the dorkiest sense of humor and only your kids truly appreciate it.  Remember how hilarious they they think it is when you sing Biggie for them?  Yeah, you will only get looks of disgust at the white, rich kids' school for that nonsense. 
• Your kids need you.  They seek you out to  make connections that other kids do not need.  You are mom/big sister/mentor to so many.  Remember the girl who wrote an essay at the start of the year who said she would never trust any adult because of how she had been treated by her mother and foster parents?  She wrote you a letter at the end of the year saying how much she loved and trusted you.  You think you are going to get that kind of validation at one of the other schools?
• Remember that even though you think they all hate you, they really don't.  Remember how of the Teacher Appreciation Week letters you received, many came from students you thought despised you?  Remember how when you come back from summer vacation, all your kids hug you like you are their long lost best friend?  Stop taking everything so personally!
• Remember how when the school year ended last year, you missed your students?
• Remember how whenever you saw them over the summer, they treated you like a rock star?  What about the one who came running to you, yelling "Mama!"....Come on!  That's good stuff!
  
• Remember how by August, you were bored with summer and excited to go back to school?
• Remember not everyone gets to be Ron Clark, LouAnneJohnson, or Erin Gruwell. But then, do you really do this job for the accolades?  Be content knowing that you are one of the many overworked, underpaid teachers who are trying to make a difference and you are making a difference. 
• Finally, remember how your stories and the things she has witnessed, inspired your daughter to want to be a teacher for the very same population you teach (God bless her, poor thing).  

 Now, go get a pedicure, take a long nap, and then go back to school refreshed and knowing that you are right where you are supposed to be. If nothing else helps, remember this:  Yes, you are up early at the butt crack of dawn, but you are home by 3:00 most days.  You are there when your kids get home.  You have time to run errands or sometimes, relax, before the hectivity of dinner and homework starts.  You get two weeks off at Christmas, a week off for Spring Break, and almost three glorious months over the summer.  In fact, right now it is 10:30 a.m. and I am still in my pajamas drinking coffee!

Love,

July 2012 MizNilknarf